On Trains

It is like this: obese people can be divided into two categories. The first of these is the type of fatty that is embarrassed, and unhappy about their weight and sits apologetically next to you on the train, trying to keep as much fat away from you as they can. The second type of fatty is embarrassed, and unhappy about their weight, and so, sits defensively next to you on the train, spreading their legs a little and taking up more space so you know not to mess with this fatty and that this fatty has as much right to sit down on the train as you. As is the way of the self-righteous, there is something about this kind of person that makes you want to wring their fat neck, or dump a load of fresh donuts onto the ground and derisively stamp them into the carpet of the train to see if they cry.